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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots
 The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 357 February 2, 2009 The More Things Change... Edition This week The GOP (1) sets out its new agenda for America, ably assisted by Rush Limbaugh (2). Elsewhere, David Vitter (5) goes to Gitmo, Bill Kristol (6) gets the chop, and Michael Steele (7) bounces back. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!  The GOP  Change is in the air! With a new Democratic president sworn in and a Democratic Congress raring to go, it's finally time to start working for the American people and getting this country back on track. But unfortunately there is an elephant in the living room. And this elderly, three-legged elephant has a nasty disposition and a penchant for rolling around in its own feces. Last week President Obama reached out - as promised - to the tattered remnants of the Republican party, stopping by Capitol Hill for a meeting with top GOP lawmakers to discuss the urgent stimulus package. Turns out he needn't have bothered; before the president even arrived, House Minority Leader John Boehner appeared in front of the press and "urged members to vote no on the House Democrats' stimulus bill." And vote no they did - unanimously. Although amusingly enough, despite every single Republican in the House (plus 11 Democrats) voting against the stimulus bill, it still passed by 244 votes to 188, which quite neatly sums up the impotence of the modern Republican party. But not so fast! Apparently the GOP thinks that snubbing the bipartisan advances of the most popular newly-elected president since John F. Kennedy is their ticket out of the wilderness. According to the Washington Post: The bill passed easily despite the opposition of all 177 Republican House members, but party leaders delighted in what they considered a victory after two straight electoral drubbings and much soul-searching about what the party stands for. "How about those House Republicans?" cheered Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), a vocal small-government advocate, at a Heritage Foundation appearance yesterday. "House Republicans said we would stand up for American taxpayers at this time of economic hardship for our nation. And last night, standing together, that's exactly what we did," House Minority Leader John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) wrote yesterday in a memo to his colleagues that was released to reporters. "I am proud of our team." Yeah! Way to go! Say it loud and say it proud, we'll do nothing in unison! And we'll continue to do nothing until the American people come to their senses and vote us back into power!  Rush Limbaugh  While John Boehner and his GOP cronies re-brand themselves as the Party Of No, one staunch conservative has got some actual ideas to fix the economy. Step forward Rush Limbaugh! Last week Rush's article on the economy was published in the Wall Street Journal; he subsequently offered to travel to Washington and discuss his plans with President Obama. Then he... ...wait a minute. This is Rush Limbaugh we're talking about here? Rush Limbaugh, the toxic radio talk show host? Rush Limbaugh, the man who mocked Parkinson's sufferers by flailing his arms around? Rush Limbaugh, inventor of the complete failure that was "Operation Chaos?" Rush Limbaugh, the guy who couldn't stop John McCain from winning the GOP nomination and then couldn't get him elected president? Rush Limbaugh, the Oxycontin-addled sex tourist? This clown is the best the GOP has to offer right now? For real?   Phil Gingrey  Just in case you have any doubts that Rush Limbaugh is in full command of the Republican party, observe the fate of Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Obviously) who last week had the temerity to criticize The Man With The Golden Microphone. According to Think Progress: Yesterday, Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-GA), the chairman of the conservative Republican Study Committee, complained to Politico about how Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talkers are able to "stand back and throw bricks” instead of offering "real leadership" in the middle of high-profile public policy battles. Whoops! Less than 24 hours later Gingrey issued a statement retracting the remarks and announcing that "Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Newt Gingrich, and other conservative giants are the voices of the conservative movement's conscience." Tsk tsk, Mr. Gingrey. You think a simple statement is going to get you out of this? Sorry! You're going to have to call into Rush Limbaugh's show and publicly clean his balls with your tongue. Go on, off you go... GINGREY: Rush, thank you so much. I thank you for the opportunity, of course this is not exactly the way to I wanted to come on. … Mainly, I want to express to you and all your listeners my very sincere regret for those comments I made yesterday to Politico. ... I clearly ended up putting my foot in my mouth on some of those comments. ... I regret those stupid comments. Now let that be a lesson to you.  The Media Hey, did you hear that the Democrats won big at the last election? That they control Congress by huge margins, and took back the White House? You wouldn't know it if you happened to watch cable news last week. According to Think Progress: Even though President Obama and his team are in control of the executive branch and Democrats are in the majority in Congress, the cable networks are still turning more often to Republicans and allowing them to set the agenda on major issues, most recently on the debate over the economic recovery package. (snip) In a new analysis, ThinkProgress has found that the five cable news networks - CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, Fox Business and CNBC - have hosted more Republican lawmakers to discuss the plan than Democrats by a 2 to 1 ratio this week. Seems like the more things change, the more things stay the same.  David Vitter  David Vitter is very, very concerned about President Obama's recent order to close the Guantanamo Bay prison camp. In fact, he's so concerned that he's traveling to Gitmo on a fact-finding mission. According to the Shreveport Times: "I was very disappointed in President Obama's decision to close the detention facility at Guantanamo," Vitter said. "This facility should not be closed, and these individuals should not be released until we can determine the extent of their potential involvement in terrorist activities. And we most certainly should use every available measure to ensure that they do not make their way into the United States if in fact they are released." I must admit I wasn't aware that Vitter was such a strong advocate for Gitmo, but then I remembered this story from January of 2005: Mamdouh Habib was the victim of atrocities fit for a concentration camp, including being tied to the ground while a prostitute menstruated on him, his lawyer said yesterday. (snip) Mr Hopper said yesterday: "The Americans used prostitutes as tools in their interrogations. They'd say to detainees 'If you co-operate with us, we'll let you at this woman for the night'. And if they wouldn't agree they'd use them in other ways." Aha! It all becomes clear!  Bill Kristol  Farewell, neo-con warmonger and Sarah Palin booster William Kristol, who was booted off the opinion pages of the New York Times last week with no more fanfare than a note reading "This is William Kristol's last column." Short, but oh-so-sweet. No word yet on exactly why the Times decided to end its relationship with Kristol, but perhaps being utterly wrong about everything he's ever written has got something to do with it. Don't worry though, the world has not been completely deprived of Kristol's greatness - the Washington Post has apparently signed him up to write a monthly column. So if you ever find yourself thinking, "you know, right about now I'm really in the mood for an opinion piece written by the bastard love child of Baghdad Bob and Tokyo Rose," you'll know where to look.  Michael Steele  Congratulations, Michael Steele, on being chosen to guide the decimated Republican party out of the wilderness! You have a tough road ahead of you, and we sincerely wish you all the very best. It will be no mean feat for an African-American to lead the party of racism and xenophobia, but then I suppose your selection proves that the GOP has really turned a corner - just like John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin was all about empowering women and totally not about a desperate attempt to woo Hillary Clinton supporters based on the misguided assumption that they would vote for anyone in a dress. Of course, you'll be representing the party that thinks our first black president is a non-American-born Muslim who pals around with terrorists - heck, just a few weeks ago one of your opponents for the RNC chairmanship was caught distributing that awful "Barack The Magic Negro" song like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. But if anyone can put a brave face on this tricky situation, Michael, it will be you. After all, when you ran for Senate in Maryland in 2006 you were so proud of being a Republican that you used these campaign signs:  And now you're the head of the GOP! Amazing. Clearly you have a grand strategy to reunite the party - your first act as RNC chairman was to egg on obstructionist House Republicans and their plan to say "no, no, no" to everything - even as your own party's governors are in Washington DC begging those same Republicans to STFU and hand over the stimulus money. That should end well. So the very best of luck in your new job, Michael! You're going to need it.  Sarah Palin   Speaking of Republican governors begging for stimulus cash, you may be surprised to learn that GOP 2012 presidential frontrunner Sarah Palin (lol) was among the many grovelers visiting DC last week. According to an Anchorage Daily News interview last week - and gosh, I've missed her masterful command of the English language - Palin said: "Yeah, I'm going to meet with those who are making decisions for Alaska in the stimulus package, including ... Mitch McConnell and others, having dinner with them and meeting with John Katz in our D.C. office on what it is that we can support in the stimulus package. Advocating tough too for an exemption that Alaska needs in terms of timelines for some of these shovel-ready projects. Congress is saying the projects involved in the infrastructure aspect of the stimulus package have to be shovel ready, have to get them out the door, whether it be 90 days or 120 days. Well we're Alaska, and we need an exemption there so that we're not left out in the cold in terms of some of the projects that will take a northern climate a longer period of time to make sure that we have our projects ready to go." So much for "Thanks but no thanks." Looks like Palin's new catchphrase is "I heart government cheese." Meanwhile, Palin is going to have to try a bit harder to impress her Republican supporters if she's planning to become president in 2012. Like her run at the vice-presidency, an ABC News article last week entitled "Palin Stiffs The House Republicans" sounds provocative but ultimately turns out to be a disappointment. When House Republicans planned their annual winter retreat, they extended an invitation to Alaska Gov. Sara Palin, hoping the party's 2008 vice presidential nominee would give a morale-building speech to the more than 130 Republican members of Congress gathered this weekend in Hot Springs, Va. Retreat organizers tell ABC News that Palin politely declined, giving a perfectly understandable reason. According to the Congressional Institute, which hosted the conference, Palin said she simply could not make it to the retreat because pressing state business made it impossible for her to leave Alaska this weekend. So where is Palin this weekend? She's in Washington, D.C., attending the super-elite Alfalfa Dinner. "She lied to us," said a Republican at the retreat. Um, and this is a surprise to you... why?  Dirk Kempthorne  President Obama has been in office for just under two weeks, but Republicans are already lining up to unseat him in 2012. Sarah Palin started a new political action committee last week (called, imaginatively, "SarahPAC") and when asked if she was planning a run for president said, "No, not at all, not at all, no." So, yes. But Palin isn't the only contender. Marc Ambinder reported last week that former Idaho governor Dirk Kempthorne is also gearing up for a run. Republicans familiar with his activities say that Kempthorne has begun to reach out to allies gauge their opinion about whether he should run for President in 2012. (snip) Kempthorne, who served as President Bush's final Secretary of the Interior, is widely known to environmental advocates as a dedicated opponent of regulation and of the Endangered Species Act. Meanwhile, a trip to Wikipedia informs us that: In December 2007, as a result of a long-term investigation and resignation of former Deputy Assistant Secretary Julie MacDonald, Inspector General Earl Devaney found "abrupt and abrasive, if not abusive" management at the department under Kempthorne's supervision. U.S. Senator Ron Wyden, chairman of the Senate Subcommittee on Public Lands and Forests, attributed the "untold waste of hundreds of thousands of taxpayers' dollars" to MacDonald's actions. Of the department, Representative Nick J. Rahall II, chairman of the House Natural Resources said "The results of this investigation paint a picture of something akin to a secret society residing within the Interior Department that was colluding to undermine the protection of endangered wildlife and covering for one another's misdeeds." In September 2008, IG Devaney reported wrongdoing by current and former employees of the Minerals Management Service, an agency under Kempthorne's administration that collects about $10 billion in oil and gas royalties annually - one of the government's largest sources of revenue other than taxes. According to the New York Times, "Eight officials in the royalty program accepted gifts from energy companies whose value exceeded limits set by ethics rules - including golf, ski and paintball outings; meals and drinks; and tickets to a Toby Keith concert, a Houston Texans football game and a Colorado Rockies baseball game...The investigation also concluded that several of the officials "frequently consumed alcohol at industry functions, had used cocaine and marijuana, and had sexual relationships with oil and gas company representatives." So... he's an anti-environment nutjob who oversaw fraud, waste, secrecy, corruption, and sex scandals at the Department of the Interior. Sounds perfect!  George W. Bush And Friends And finally, since this is the first Top 10 to be published since George W. Bush left office, I think a fitting end to this week's list is...               The Top 10 will return in two weeks, on Monday February 16. See you then! -- EarlG |
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