She hadn't been eating for the last week, so this morning I took her to the vet. He ran tests and found that she was in end-stage kidney disease, also diabetic and also most probably had heart disease. She also weighed less than 9 lbs whereas it had been more normally 13. He gave her insulin and anti-inflammatories and about everything else he could think of and I took her home. Alice came home early from work and spent time with her, but it was clear she was failing (staggering walk, inability to go more than a few steps without lying down again, etc.) She did eat a little of the Hill's prescription canned food the vet sent home with me, and seemed to enjoy it, but didn't get much down (and threw it up later in the car, but I get ahead of myself). So we decided that rather than see her suffer (ie starve) that we would go ahead and have her put to sleep today. We took her back to the vet and were happy to be able to spend more quality time with her. The vet gave her the first injection to put her into a deep sleep (we left the room for the actual shot) and Alice was able to cuddle Madeline and sing "Let's Stay Together" to her one last time. When she was asleep and feeling no pain at all, the vet gave her her second injection and we stayed until she slipped away. It was peaceful and somehow strangely life-affirming, because she knew how much she was loved up until the very end. Alice had Madeline for eight years (and Madeline was much older than we'd thought according to the vet; more like 13-15 rather than the "around ten" that we'd been thinking); eight delightful, fun, high-flying, too short years. We told her that she'd been a very good kitty and that next time she'd get to be human, so at the Well of Souls, aim for New York City so in your next life you can be a deli owner. And yes, I know I'm mixing two completely fictitious religious traditions, but right now I feel good about it.

That's all I can say or I'll start bawling again. Alice is having a very rough Monday, but knows we did the right thing. But it was so sudden.